I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
