her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
