Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
