According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
