3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
