a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
