you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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