Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
