i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
