Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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