you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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