I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
