Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
