From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
