Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There r osticjed everywhere
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
