his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
