How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
