I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
