Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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