And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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