escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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