Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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