Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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