I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
