I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
