Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
