Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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