We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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