he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
