Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
