Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
