Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
