Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
