Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize