i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
