The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
