saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
being pregnant is like rehab
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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