I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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