Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
