That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
