They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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