She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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