i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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