I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
