That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
