why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
