dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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