glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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