I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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