the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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