Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
