Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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