i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
