The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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