did you get engaged???
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
