ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
