Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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