is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Never joke about your clitoris.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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