I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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