Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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