just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
