i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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