Will you blow on my dice?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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