your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
