i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
