If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
