Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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