She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
