she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
