Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
