i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
