Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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