I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
