everyone is single if you try hard enough
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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