Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
