this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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